I WASTED TWO MONTHS OF MY LIFE I KNEW I SHOULD’VE JUST SPENT STUDYING MY @SS OFF. I realized it when it was too late, when the term was officially over. 

I spent two months in this very unruly “relationship” if I may put it that way. Mutual Understanding perhaps is the more apt term. I wasted two months of my precious life. 

So yeah we were there cuddling, we hung out, we talked ‘till the wee hours of the morning. We never ran out of things to talk about. We usually hold each other’s hand whenever we feel like doing so. He gave me that loving feeling that I lost. He gave me the reason to smile whilst facing tremendous problems. He never made me feel bad about myself. He was always there when I needed him. We ate together, shared fries and treated each other. He would finish my meal if I couldn’t, he’d get my veggies when I hated them. We had plans for the future too.

The all of a sudden, he left me for another girl. 

The bad thing was, he did this in my face. He did it when I was around.

I resorted to vices. I smoked like there was no tomorrow and made sure he saw me smoking to make him mad. I drank until my best friend got mad because I did it with a bunch of guys (who are actually my friends, two of them were the best advice givers). That night was the worst, I drank more than my capacity, and I went overboard. I barfed here and there when I got home, I cried because of severe loneliness, but I said to myself despite the state of drunkenness, “I AM STRONG.”

I know I shouldn’t waste my time again pondering on this matter, but how couldn’t I if it still bothers me even though a month has already passed? I know I should move on. 

Looking back, he wasn’t worth every stick that I smoked. He wasn’t. He’s this dark, ugly guy who sort of cheated on me, who used me, who treated me like a princess but ended up using me as if I was a toy.

Now, I tell myself everyday that I am strong. To remind me of distancing myself to vices, I wear a rosary bracelet. To make myself forget, I cleaned my room. I’m reading some books to help me stay away from the computer and stalk him on facebook (though I deleted him as my friend).

I’m still not okay, but I am doing better.